Because writing should be fun

MMA Gloves Are Not The Same As Boxing Gloves

One of the most common mistakes I see people make in MMA is to try to cover up using their gloves. Standard MMA gloves are simply not large enough to effectively cover up with, particularly against the varied striking allowed in MMA.

Even if both hands are brought up to cover the head, too much of the head is left exposed due to the small size and lack of padding on MMA gloves, relative to boxing gloves. Furthermore, MMA allows knees and kicks – strikes which are not allowed in boxing.

If the gloves are used to cover up, the body and legs are left exposed to knees and kicks. It is also much easier to pull someone into a clinch if they have not got their hands up in a guard position. Likewise, it can be difficult to fend off takedowns if the hands are not lowered to protect the hips.

I believe the habit that some MMA fighters have of backing up while covering up with their gloves is something that stems primarily from modern boxing. Boxing gloves are much larger and have far more padding. They are thus much better suited to absorbing blows. In addition, boxing does not allow strikes to the lower half of the body. By covering up and using their forearms to protect their midsection, a boxer can vastly reduce how much of their body is vulnerable to attack. An MMA fighter doing the same is leaving his legs and hips completely open to attack.

It is also interesting to note that most of MMA’s best strikers rely less on covering up and more on evasion and movement. Even at close range, some of MMA’s best strikers (see e.g., Anderson Silva) rely more on bobbing, weaving, and slipping strikes than on blocking/catching punches on their gloves. Covering up leaves you an almost completely stationary target, allowing the opponent to simply attack at will.

If you want to learn how to evade punches at close range, look back at some of the old-time masters of boxing. Their ability to bob, weave, and slip punches is something that has almost completely disappeared from modern boxing, much, I think, to the detriment of the sport.

Addition and Subtraction

One of the hardest things about writing is identifying when you need to add material and when you need subtract material. Even small additions or subtractions can make a very big difference to the overall success of a piece of writing. Here are a few tips to help you decide whether you need to add or subtract some material.

Purpose Matters

Every piece of writing has a purpose. For an essay, it might be making a particular point about a subject. For a chapter in a story, it might be covering an important plot point or introducing a new character. Always ask: what purpose is this piece of writing trying to achieve and would adding or subtracting material help fulfil that purpose?

For example, if an essay is discussing the viability of trade sanctions as replacements for military intervention in a particular conflict, then adding more material about what sectors of the economy are most vulnerable to sanctions may be valuable.

Consider another example. If a chapter of a story is designed to introduce several important new characters, then it makes little sense to complicate the chapter by adding a lot of minor details about the world the story is set in. However, adding more character interaction may be a good idea, especially if those interactions have a bearing on the plot in the future.

Does The Pacing Work?

Rhythm and pacing are important in writing. This applies both in fiction and in other forms of writing like essays. If the material you want to add slows down what you’ve already written and breaks the flow of the writing without adding something very important (i.e., essential), then you might want to leave it out. Likewise, if removing a section of what you’ve written improves the pacing and rhythm of the piece without losing essential information, then it might be for the best to cut it out.

Getting a grasp of the pacing and rhythm of a piece of writing can be tricky. For instance, it isn’t always clear that a story lags in certain places until the whole story is done. Likewise, it can be hard to see that an essay is getting bogged down without finishing it. If it isn’t clear whether or not the pacing and rhythm work, then try finishing the piece of writing first.

Keep Only What Is Necessary

Every piece of writing has certain components that are absolutely essential for it to function. If something is too long, the easiest approach is to simply start removing anything that isn’t essential. For example, if a chapter introduces a number of characters that aren’t essential to the plot and do not appear again, consider removing them or incorporating their roles into existing characters. Likewise, if an essay is too long, look at what facts must be presented to support your argument and focus on using those to put together the tightest argument that you can.

A good way to check if something is necessary is to remove it and then see if the piece of writing still makes sense. If it does, then what you’ve cut probably isn’t necessary and can be removed. Note that this approach can be overenthusiastic, but it is arguably the easiest way to reduce the length of a piece of writing.

Is It In The Right Place?

Sometimes the hardest part about adding more material is identifying where to put it. Even the correct material can look wrong when put in the wrong place.

A good example of this is what happens if you shoehorn all of the details of a character’s history into one chapter. This can overwhelm the reader and leave them feeling lost. Instead, it’s better to spread out these details, introducing them as they become relevant. For instance, if a character is a master swordsman, you don’t need to tell everyone that until they get into a fight. Similarly, if a character’s favourite colour is blue, you don’t need to introduce that information until they have to pick one cloak out of several others.

In the case of an essay or more formal piece writing, introducing the correct information at the correct time is essential. Adding huge amounts of material can work and feel quite natural if that material is added in a sensible way, such as when the arguments involving that material are proposed. For example, if you want to discuss the impact of a free trade agreement, then it makes sense to break that discussion down into categories and add more detailed material in each different section.

Work On Phrasing And Structuring Things Right

There are times when the issue isn’t whether something should be added or subtracted but whether what you already have is correctly phrased and structured. If a piece of writing is very badly phrased and structured, it can seem overly long. But rather than cutting out material, it may make more sense to rewrite what you have, phrasing and structuring things better. In a similar way, phrasing and structuring things better can remove the need to add more material by making what is there easier to comprehend.

Perhaps the best example of this is in essay writing. The difference between good essays and great essays is often not in the material they introduce – it’s in how they structure and present their arguments and evidence. This isn’t to say that content doesn’t matter, but phrasing and structure can ensure that you get the most out of that content.


Adding or subtracting from a piece of writing can be a tricky thing, but it can also be quite beneficial. Don’t be afraid to tinker, and always ask yourself: does adding, subtracting, or rephrasing/restructuring result in a better piece of writing?

If you want to read more about my thoughts on writing, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, mostly fantasy. You can find that here.

Getting Started

One of the hardest parts of writing is getting started. It’s not unusual for people to get stuck on getting started. Here are a few things that might make getting started easier for you:

  1. You don’t have to start at the beginning. Although a finished story is made up of a sequence of events, stories are rarely put together right from the start. Instead, it’s quite common for stories to develop around particular scenes or pieces of dialogue. It’s okay to pick one of these pivotal moments and start from there. That can get the wheels turning, so to speak, and you can work backwards or forwards to fill in the gaps.
  2. Don’t obsess about getting it right the first time. Making mistakes is normal, especially when you’re just getting started. So don’t worry about getting it perfect – that’s what drafting is for. Instead, focus on just getting your ideas onto the page. Once you’ve written your ideas out, then you can worry about tidying them up.
  3. Break a story down into parts. Writing a story can seem like a monumental challenge – there’s the plot, characters, setting, and all the technical things to worry about. To make writing seem less imposing, break it down into smaller parts. Chip away at one thing at a time. For example, you could work on fleshing out the characters one day and establishing the setting another day. Then, when you’re feeling more confident, you can work on putting everything together. This applies for chapters too – focus on getting one chapter done at a time and the rest will follow.
  4. Establish a scaffold. Rather than trying to write in proper prose right from the start, try writing out dot points covering what goes on in each scene. You can use these as a skeleton to help flesh out your prose when you finally start writing.
  5. Try to get into the flow of things. Once you’ve got a good writing rhythm going, it’s usually much easier to keep writing. It’s getting into that rhythm that can be very hard. One exercise that might help is to start off each writing session by writing a vignette or two about things that you’ve seen or done recently. These don’t have to be long (e.g., 100-200 words), they just have to get you into a good rhythm.

If you’re having problems getting started, don’t be afraid to try new things. Every writer has something that works for them – the trick is finding what works for you.

If you want to read more about my thoughts on writing, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find here.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween, people!

And if you’re trick-or-treating, may you have all the luck when it comes to candy.

“The Lonely Wood” (The Last Huntress Series Part Four) Now Available On Amazon!

It only took me about a year, but the next instalment in Scarlett and Rose’s adventures is finally here!

The Lonely Wood is now available on Amazon! You can get it here. It’s the fourth book in The Last Huntress Series. It comes after The Last HuntressThe Lord of Dark Watersand The Fire Upon The Mountain. It weighs in at a hefty 49,000 or so words making it the longest story in the series so far. It goes for $1.99.

Here’s the blurb:

Scarlett is the last of her line – a huntress sworn to kill all monsters.

Rose is a girl searching for the power to take back her homeland.

Scarlett’s uncle has called for her aid. But the journey to his lands in the north forces the huntress to confront the shadows of her past. She was not always a huntress. But the naïve, little girl that her uncle helped raise – the girl he loved like a daughter – is long dead. All that remains is the huntress, a warrior born of blood and steel.

But there are far worse things than the past waiting for Scarlett and Rose in the ancient woods of the north. The elves once ruled there, unmatched in their glory and splendour. But an age ago, they fled, binding the forest with a powerful enchantment. Now, their magic is failing, and the evil they imprisoned has awakened once again – an evil that knows Scarlett’s line all too well.

The forest was there when the first huntress was born. Will it witness the fall of the last huntress, or will Scarlett and Rose find a way to conquer the darkness that awaits them?

Interested? Read on for a longer preview: Read more…

Insecurity and Arrogance

Let me be brutally honest. There have been times when I’ve looked back at everything – everything – that I’ve ever written and wondered if it was all a big, damn waste.

I stare down at the computer screen and every flaw, every imperfection stares back at me with cold, dead eyes. Every little mistake becomes a thousand times bigger until I can’t see anything good in what I’ve written.

It makes me wonder if I’m a fraud, if it was all just a fluke. Or maybe I’m just no good at all and somehow people haven’t noticed it yet. Insecure? Definitely, but insecurity can be a good thing, sometimes.

A writer needs, I think, a certain combination of arrogance and insecurity. Arrogance because they have to be able to push on through criticism and pursue plots, characters, and ideas when others would give up. And insecurity because they need to be willing to listen to criticism, to accept they might be wrong, and to constantly, constantly improve.

A writer who thinks they are invincible has very little incentive to improve. A write who worries about how good they really are has every incentive to do better.

The trick, I think, is learning to control those dark thoughts, to make them work for you. There has always been – and probably always will be – a little voice in the back of my head whispering about all the mistakes and imperfections in my writing. But that same voice is also the one that whispers improvements, that forces me to study and practice until I get better.

That voice isn’t alone, of course. I’m an easygoing person, for the most part, but there’s a part of me that relishes competition. It’s the part of me that looks at someone else’s writing and urges me to do better – to show that I’m better. A writer needs to have pride, in their writing and themselves, but that pride should never give way to true arrogance. As loud as that competitive voice can be, there’s another one there to match it. It’s the voice telling me how far I still have to go, how much work I still need to do. And even if I can match one writer, there is always someone better, always another person I need to catch up to.

Every writer has that one story inside them, the one they’ve been waiting their whole lives to tell. They’re arrogant about it – they think it’s the best story they’ll ever write, the one that everyone will remember. But they’re insecure about it too – they don’t know if they’re good enough to write it, and they don’t know if they’ll ever be good enough.

I have a story like that. I’ve carried it in my head for more than ten years. It’s been building and building and building. Hell, the entire world that story is set in exists inside my head along with all the associated history and other details. I still haven’t written it. I’m afraid to, because once i do, I’ll have to face it. I’ll have to face all the insecurity and the arrogance. I’ll know, one way or another, if everything I’ve done to improve is actually enough.

The problem with chasing an ideal is that you rarely ever catch it. Or once you do, you find out it wasn’t as perfect as you thought it was. Or worse still, you find out it really is perfect – but it wasn’t meant for you.

But that’s also the most enjoyable thing about writing. It’s an expression of who you are, from your dreams to your nightmares, from your failures to your successes. Everything that you are shapes your writing, and your writing in turn shapes who you are.

Killing A Research Paper

Research papers are one of the primary means of communicating the results of research. They form the foundations upon which theories in a range of different disciplines are built. If you have to engage in academic warfare or simply critique a theory, then knowing how to “kill” a research paper is an important skill.

So, how do you kill a research paper?

Although the exact structure of a research paper varies from discipline to discipline, most will follow the same basic structure:

  • Introduction. This explains the theoretical and empirical basis for the research paper. It should go through the relevant past research, providing a context for the current research. It should also explain any previous theories that may be linked to the current research. If a new theory is being proposed, then the existing evidence for that new theory should be offered here as well. Any hypotheses should also be stated here, and they should be tied to past research and, if appropriate, the theory being tested in the current research.
  • Method. This is where the methodology of the current research is explained. It should offer sufficient detail that a neutral third-party could reproduce the research.
  • Results. This is where the results of the research are provided, along with any statistical analyses. Of particular importance is that the results are reported in an unbiased manner, using the appropriate statistical techniques.
  • Discussion. In many ways, this is the part of the research paper that people are most interested in. It should provide a discussion of the results in the context of the introduction. For example, were the hypotheses confirmed? If so, what does that mean in a more general sense? If not, why not? Throughout the discussion, an effort should be made to put the results into context – what do they mean for the field at large, what do they mean for past research, what do they mean for future research, and what do they mean for the theory/theories that were discusses in the introduction? This is also where any discussion about future directions and limitations in the research should go.

Attack One Section At A Time

The underlying reasoning of a research paper is fairly simple:

  1. Examine existing evidence and theory and on the basis of that evidence and theory, make predictions
  2. Carry out appropriate experiments to test those predictions
  3. Compare the results of those experiments to your predictions and then comment on what that means for the evidence and theory you used to make those predictions

Any attack on a research paper should look to demonstrate that there has been a breakdown somewhere in this chain of reasoning. Here is a section-by-section breakdown of how this could be done.

For the introduction:

  • Has the researcher omitted any relevant past research or any influential theories? If they have, then any hypotheses or new theories they propose may be standing on feet of clay. Of course, it isn’t possible to discuss all the research surrounding a particular topic, but there are always at least a few defining theories and pieces of evidence that should be mentioned.
  • Do their hypotheses or new theories follow logically from past research? It is one thing to present past research, but it is quite another to actually link hypotheses and theories to that research. Be very wary of researchers who simply mention past research without actually showing how it links to their hypotheses and any new theories they wish to propose.
  • Always check key pieces of evidence for misrepresentation or error. Every research paper has particular pieces of evidence or particular theories that it leans on more than others. Always check to see that these pieces of evidence and theories are not only properly cited but also properly interpreted. It is not unheard of for researchers to misrepresent what past research or other theories say to better support their own research/theories.
  • Check the research that has been cited for problems. Just because past research has been cited does not mean that it should be accepted as good evidence. If past research has significant flaws (e.g., I have seen cases where an entire line of research has been contaminated by consistently flawed methodology), then its ability to support the current research is weakened.

For the method:

  • Examine the methodology to ensure that it fits with the accepted standards in the field. A good way of doing this is to compare it to past research. If there are any radical departures from past methodology, examine why they have occurred and if they are beneficial.
  • If there are animals involved (e.g., animal testing in medicine), then take careful note of how similar the animals are to humans in the area being tested. The more similar they are, the more any conclusions can be generalised to humans. The more different they are, the less any conclusions can be generalised to humans.
  • If there are humans involved (e.g., psychological testing), make sure that you are aware of the limitations of formal testing and check that the sample is as representative of the population of interest as possible. For instance, most psychology students in Australia are young women between the ages of 18 and 21. This means that an experiment using typical Australian psychology students is likely to have more women in it than the general population and to be younger than the general population. The results may thus not generalise across the population. Sample size is also critical. There are many forms of statistical analyses that are worthless if the sample is too small.
  • Pay close attention to equipment, testing instruments (e.g., psychological tests), testing conditions, and researcher conduct. As much as possible, everything should be standardised. The more differences there are from one day to another (except for those mandated by the testing protocol, e.g., differing treatment regimes), the more difficult it will be to have confidence in the methodology. Be particularly wary of anything that might bias the result toward the predicted hypotheses or have a systematic impact.

For the results:

  • Check that all of the statistical analyses have been conducted properly and reported accurately. This is particularly important when the statistical analyses are either complex or not common to the field of study.
  • Look at what results have not been reported. Researchers should report all relevant result, even those that do not support their ideas. If a researcher chooses to ignore important analyses or to skip over results that do not match their ideas, then be very wary.
  • Look at how results are reported. Is there a lot of vague and indistinct language? Statistics requires a certain level of hedging, but anything about this minimum level of caution should be viewed with scepticism. Where possible examine things like effect sizes and tests of significance to ensure that these are all appropriate.
  • Have the correct statistical analyses been performed? Using advanced statistical analysis packages, it is possible to throw data into almost any statistical analysis and get something. But that doesn’t mean the results are meaningful. To be meaningful, the correct statistical analyses must be used. Be absolutely ruthless when evaluating the statistical analyses used in research. Be especially cautious when highly advanced statistical techniques are used without a thorough explanation and justification, particularly if these techniques are not normally used for this kind of research.

For the discussion:

  • Look out for attempts to re-word or rework the hypotheses to make things seem more successful. It isn’t wrong to state that a hypothesis has been partially supported, but researchers may try to put “spin” on the results.
  • Check that the results are explained in the context of the hypotheses and any new theories that have been proposed. The researcher should make every effort to at least answer the question of whether or not their hypotheses/theories have been supported.
  • Look at how the researcher tries to tie the results to the evidence and theories cited in the introduction. They should be putting these results into context. If the results do not fit very well with past research, there should be some comment about what this means and why it may have occurred. Be cautious about claims that the new research trumps all of the old research. There are times when this is true, but you need to be very sure before making this kind of statement. If such a claim is made, the researcher should provide an explanation about what makes this research better than previous research (e.g., improved statistical analyses, better methodology, etc.).
  • Ensure that any conclusions that are drawn follow logically from the results that were found. Be careful about researchers that have only vague evidence but still make grand conclusions (or even contradictory conclusions).
  • Be on the lookout for a discussion of problems with the research. No research is flawless. Even a brief discussion of potential flaws is good, and if you detected major flaws in the previous sections, check to see if they are mentioned here. If they are, at least the researcher is aware of them. And if they are aware of them, check to see if they have made allowances for those flaws (e.g., a good researcher would be more cautious about their results in the presence of methodological flaws).


Killing a research paper requires at least one of the following:

  • Demonstrating that it is not based on sound theory and evidence
  • Demonstrating that its methodology is majorly flawed
  • Demonstrating that the way the data is analysed is wrong
  • Demonstrating that the conclusions it draws are not valid, given the evidence it has obtained via experiment

If you can show that even one of these is the case, you can launch a strong attack against a research paper. Likewise, if you want your research papers to be good, ensure that none of those criticisms can be aimed at you.

If you want to read more of my thoughts on writing, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, mostly fantasy. You can find that here.

The Concept Of Buy-In For Fiction

In poker, the term ‘buy-in’ refers to the minimum amount of money required to join a particular game of poker. However, the term can also be useful when applied to fiction. Specifically, we can use the term to describe the investment in time and effort that a book or series requires in order to be fully enjoyed.

Consider a typical fantasy trilogy. Each book will have its own plot and character arcs, but there will also be overarching plot and character arcs that run throughout the entire series. Indeed, the plot and characters may not make sense if the books are not read together and in the correct sequence. As a result, the buy-in for the second book is larger than for the first book, and the buy-in for the third book is larger still. Furthermore, the buy-in for a typical trilogy should be smaller than for a seven-book series.

Some fiction maintains strong links to the real world (e.g., political thrillers are often set in the present and take advantage of political, military, and economic realities). In contrast, some fiction maintains only a tenuous link to the real world (e.g., high fantasy or distant-future science fiction). The stronger the links that a story has to the real world, the smaller the buy-in it demands. This is because readers can rely on their knowledge of the real world to help them appreciate the story.

However, even in fantasy stories, there are ways to reduce buy-in. Vampires and werewolves are both highly popular and well-known monsters. A story that follows the traditional rules for these creatures will be less original than one that does not, but it will dramatically reduce the buy-in for readers since readers will already be familiar with the strengths, weaknesses, and behaviour of the vampires and werewolves in the story.

What happens if a story has a very large buy-in? It can be very intimidating. Imagine a story set in a world that is completely different from ours. It involves a society that is radically different, a species that does not share our appearance, psychology, or customs, and technology that bears no resemblance to ours. Although such a story may be very interesting and original, readers may struggle to come to grips with it. Indeed, the mental gymnastics required to keep up with all the new details may actually drive readers away. If, however, the buy-in for a story is very small, it is much easier for readers to just jump in and get involved. For instance, thrillers set in real-world settings (e.g., a story about soldiers in Iraq) should be quite approachable.

High fantasy is an example of fiction with a large buy-in. Take Tolkien’s Middle Earth. Middle Earth is a world with thousands of years of unique history and several races with their own languages and customs, only some of which are shared with the real world. To fully appreciate Middle Earth, it is necessary to not only read the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings but also the Silmarillion and a swathe of additional material (e.g., Tolkien’s letters).

Another example of a high fantasy series with a large buy-in is the A Song of Ice and Fire series by G. R. R. Martin. The series is critically acclaimed and very popular. But it can be very daunting for new readers to approach. Each book is quite long, and there are currently seven books. Each of them is filled with details about the characters, plot, cultures, myths, and societies of the story. The series is also known for telling the story through the eyes of multiple characters and via complex, inter-connected plotlines. Missing out on a single book or being unfamiliar with a single character can make the series much more difficult to enjoy.

One way to reduce the buy-in is to offer a summary of the most important events and characters for new readers. It is not a coincidence that the books in the A Song of Ice and Fire series have glossaries at the back to help the readers keep track of things. Another way of reducing the buy-in is by using alternative media (e.g., the Game of Thrones television series does a reasonably good job of acquainting new readers with the series quickly although there are differences between the show and the books).

Having a series or a radically original story is bound to introduce some level of buy-in. However, this buy-in can be reduced by giving readers familiar things to latch onto (e.g., using rules or customs they are familiar with) or by offering recaps, summaries, glossaries, and the like to help readers.

The most important thing is not necessarily to eliminate buy-in. Instead, writers should focus on making sure that the readers feel that the buy-in is worth it.

If you want to read more of my thoughts on writing, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find here.

How To Win Mario Kart In 5 Easy Steps

When I was younger, I loved Mario Kart. So did a lot of my friends. Naturally, that meant we played a lot of Mario Kart. Today, I’m going to tell you how to win Mario Kart. You don’t need quick reflexes. You don’t need a lot of experience. You don’t even need to be good at the game. You just need to be evil and follow these five easy steps:

  1. Identify the most beloved character amongst your group of friends. Choose that character. Ignore their pleas to pick another character. This is about throwing your opponents off, and the easiest way to do that is to force them to play a character they’re not used to. Remember, during Mario Kart, there are no friends. There are only corpses.
  2. Ensure that you are the one choosing the stage and/or the battle mode. Fairness will get you nowhere in Mario Kart. Play to your strengths and force your enemies to languish in their weaknesses. Mercy is for the weak.
  3. If one of your friends nemeses begins to struggle during the game, go after them. Your goal should be complete mental disintegration. That means camping next to them with three red shells. It means leaving banana peels in front of spawn locations or under item boxes. It means pretending to be helpless and then activating a star when someone tries to ram you. It is both kinder and safer to put your enemies out of their misery than to give them a chance to recover.
  4. Form expedient (and expendable) alliances. In any four player game, there is almost always one player that is noticeably stronger than the others. If that player is not you, then help the others to eliminate that player. However, do not strike the killing blow. Instead, let the others exhaust their items/ammunition. Provide them with just enough time to dispatch the more skilled player before turning on them. If you time this correctly, they will be completely unarmed and helpless. Treachery will win where talent and skill alone will fail.
  5. The game does not end at the television screen. The unwritten rule of Mario Kart is that only fools keep the competition in the game. Your enemies can (and will) resort to out-of-game strategies to defeat you. These strategies include (but are not limited to): screaming obscenities, throwing food/shoes, blocking your view of the television, and even attempting to choke you with their forearm while using their hands to maintain control of their character. However, these strategies are for amateurs. You can still play while being insulted. Food/shoes are unlikely to immediately render you unconscious, and blocking the television can easily be countered by kicking your enemy in the back. As for the choking, you can retaliate with a simple head butt to the chin. What you should do is something much simpler: unplug the controllers of your opponents. Without their controllers plugged in, your opponents are helpless, regardless of their skill. For wireless controls, you can either remove the batteries or de-sync. The best kind of victory is absolute victory.

If you have made it this far, then I congratulate you. You are now ready to win Mario Kart.

Next week: Why Every Mario Party Player Should Wear A Helmet

University Can Be A Funny Place #1

I’ll confess that when I was a student in university, I was not always the most attentive student. There were times when I may even have wavered in and out of consciousness during lectures. I’d like to blame it all on a lack of sleep due to excessive amounts of hard work, but boredom also played a role. I do, however, take a certain pride in having never been caught taking a quick nap. I imagine it must be due to my formidable skill in propping my head up in my hand.

But, I digress.

I have, at several points in time, served as a lecturer in a number of different subjects (all of them within the same general field), and I’ve noticed several trends:

  • The easiest way to increase attendance is to claim that you will be discussing the contents of the final exam. Even the most unenthusiastic or ornery student will find themselves filled with sudden enthusiasm at the prospect of making the exam easier.
  • There is always at least one student sleeping in the front row. As someone who may have engaged in the odd siesta or two during a lecture, I strongly recommend you not do so right in front of the lecturer. I will see you, and I will do something. Probably something evil.
  • The larger your lecture is, the more likely it is that student activists will attempt to hijack it so that they can spread their political message. This becomes particularly common during election period, and I have, on occasion, been strongly tempted to go with a good old “Kung Fu Gut Punch!” to try and drive some of the more persistent offenders off.
  • First years are so adorable when they’re trying to work out what to call you. In Australian high schools, students typically address their teachers as Mr/Ms/Mrs Whatever. In university, however, most lecturers (myself included) prefer to be addressed by our first names. Indeed, I don’t generally like to be referred to by my title (I hold a PhD and can thus be referred to as Dr Raz) unless I’m in a situation that truly calls for it. So when students first get to university, some of them come up with some interesting ways of addressing lecturers. I’ve met students who will address every lecturer as ‘Professor’ and others who will address all of their lecturers as ‘Dr’. My favourites are the ones who walk up to their lecturers while looking extremely nervous before addressing them as ‘Sir/Ma’am’.
  • Students can be extremely possessive of their spots. Spots in lecture theatres are not something that people can reserve. It’s a matter of first come first serve. But I’ve noticed that students can become very possessive of a particular spot. Indeed, I’ve seen students try to nudge, shove, or otherwise move someone else out of what they believe to be their spot. It’s quite amusing, especially since these aren’t five-year-olds, these are young men and women. Then again, who am I to point fingers? I was one of those people who sat in pretty much the same spot in every lecture I attended.
  • Students will often come to you with questions about different subjects. I’ve never understood this, but it seems that being a lecturer in one field automatically makes you awesome at every other field too.
  • It’s fun to mess around with students’ expectations. Coming into university, many students expect their lecturers to be wizened sages, faces heavily wrinkled from countless years of academic warfare. Before my first lecture, I will often sit in one of the front rows and talk to the people who arrive early about what they expect from the subject and what they think the lecturer will be like. Yes, it’s a bit sneaky, but it’s also very fun. You’d be amazed by what sort of conclusions students can draw about you based only on your name.
  • Some lecturers do not know how to manage their time properly. I make it a point to always end my lecture early enough that students can get to their other classes and so that the lecturer after me has a few minutes to set up. This is a courtesy that most other lecturers also follow. But I can recall one semester when the lecturer before me always ran 5-10 minutes over time. It got to the point where I would have to stand at the back of the lecture hall and glare before they finally realised what was happening. I ended up having to talk to them about it, but still… the next year it happened all over again (curse the tendency for schedules to stay similar across different years!).

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