Couch (Final Effect)
Supreme Admiral Blakey – as she was known by her friends and family – was a military genius, the youngest ever supreme admiral in the Schnee Mercantile Alliance’s history. Indeed, she was widely considered to be the most talented tactician and strategist in Alliance for the past several hundred years. It was thus not surprising that her leader, President Weiss IX, occasionally came to her for advice.
This time, however, was a little different.
“You’re sleeping on the couch.” Blakey grinned. “You… the leader of the Alliance, the second most powerful faction in the Remnant Galaxy, are sleeping on the couch.” Her eyes narrowed. “And is that a young war corgi using you for a pillow?”
Weiss’s eye twitched. “Apparently, this fellow was the only one who felt sorry for me. The others all thought I deserved it.” She lowered her voice. “I can’t believe how quickly they took Anna’s side over mine. They’re Alliance citizens, aren’t they?”
“If I remember correctly, they might be Alliance citizens, but they’ve spent the past several months being pretty much raised and trained by Anna and her hedgehog after being rejected by the other war corgis.”
“When you put it like that…” Weiss patted the corgi on the head, and he cuddled up to her. “But at least one of them is sensible.”
“Either that or he’s hedging his bets,” Blakey replied. “So… why are you on the couch?”
The president sighed. “I’m going to assume that you are familiar with one of the long-running jokes regarding the House of Farron-Arendelle?”
“Ah.” Blakey nodded sagely. “You mean the sister fixation joke? Well, it has been around since the Age of Heroes. I’ve heard that the Dia-Farron even have a database with millions, possibly even billions, of different jokes although I doubt they’ll ever admit to it. Lumina Prime might be one of the most heavily fortified locations in the galaxy, but event that won’t save them in Averia gets mad.”
“Indeed.” Weiss blushed. “I may have… possibly… made a sister fixation joke about Anna.”
“…” Blakey snickered and then burst out laughing. “Seriously? Are you trying to get maimed? There is a long and gruesome history about people who’ve made jokes like that. I remember Jahne once made a joke about that. Averia stabbed her with a spear made of ice.”
“Jahne also has Rangarok, so it’s not like stabbing her actually accomplished anything.” Weiss huffed. “And I thought it might be funny. I mean… we have been getting along exceptionally well lately, and Anna does kind of… you know… possibly…”
“Weiss, don’t even say it. I guarantee you that she’ll hear you and then you’ll be banished to a less comfortable couch, possibly outside.”
“But why can she even banish me to the couch?” Weiss grumbled. “I’m the president? I’m the one who can banish people!”
Blakey smiled. “It’s because you actually care about her. If you didn’t, you’d just ignore her. Or not. Her hedgehog would probably bite you or something.”
“Seriously?”
“I have it on good authority from Claire that Lord Hedgeborough bites Jahne on a semi regular basis to show his displeasure since they can’t actually fight properly without breaking everything.” Blakey chuckled. “But what did you say?”
“I’m not sure I should tell you,” Weiss said. “You’ll probably tease me.”
“I’ll definitely tease you,” Blakey countered. “But I am also the greatest tactical mind in the Alliance.” She folded her arms across her chest. “If you wish to draw upon my great wisdom and knowledge, you’ll have to share.”
“You just want to savour my misery.”
“Mostly yes, but I could also help you a little bit. Now, spill it.”
As Weiss related the whole story, Blakey couldn’t help but cackle evilly at her friend’s discomfort. Ah, it was so nice to have something interesting to listen to after a week spent dealing with pirates and marauders on the border. Admittedly, someone of her rank wouldn’t normally deal with such problems, but they had an expedition into another galaxy coming up. Blakey wanted to put her crew through their paces before they got there. Who knew what they might run into? The Grimm were terrible foes, but there could easily be foes even worse than them.
It turned out that the Dia-Farron had contacted Anna for help. Averia VII had ascended to the throne at a relatively young age, and she had yet to produce an heir. The exact reasons for her ascension had never been openly stated, but the decision had come not long after Averia’s father had spent months in seclusion, consulting with the Grand Seer of the House of Ballad. In any case, the former emperor was now retired, and he spent his time designing starships, which had always been his true passion.
Blakey had bought one of those starships, a yacht designed for recreational purposes. It had been one of her best purchases. The former emperor had a knack for combining aesthetics and functionality, and Blakey spent as much time on the yacht as her duties would allow. There was something grand about cruising the stars in a dreadnought, but a yacht made piloting and travelling a much more personal experience. Her lips curled. It was also much easier to get privacy on a yacht, which was something she appreciated.
In any case, the Dia-Farron had asked Anna to help them matchmake. Their target? Averia VII. Much like Weiss, the empress was under some pressure to marry and produce an heir. Unlike Weiss, the empress had yet to begin courting someone, never mind marrying them. As Averia’s younger sister, Anna was in an excellent position to help, and the Dia-Farron were nothing if not thorough in their scheming.
Anna had mentioned it to Weiss, and Weiss had made a few remarks, which had prompted Anna to go on a rant about how crazy it was that someone as obviously beautiful, intelligent, powerful, gracious, kind, caring, and just generally incredible as her sister could not be in a relationship.
Blakey could already picture it now. Weiss could be incredibly cutting with her remarks when she wanted to be, but that tended to express itself more as wry humour toward people she liked. Weiss had made a casual remark about Anna possibly having a sister fixation, and that had been that. Anna had, apparently, given Weiss a stout glared and told her to withdraw the remark. Weiss being Weiss had simply dug her heels in, and now she was on the couch… with just a corgi for company.
“Huh…” Blakey smiled at Weiss. “To be honest, you’re kind of screwed here, and not in a good way. Your best bet is to just sleep on the couch for tonight. Anna should be fine with you by tomorrow.”
Weiss sagged. “She does anger quickly sometimes, but she rarely stays angry for long.” She paused. “Which I suppose is better than the opposite.”
Blakey grimaced. Claire, the current generation’s bearer of Saviour, was the opposite of Anna. It was almost impossible to get her mad, but when she lost her temper… there was a reason that even Jahne and Averia trod lightly when Claire was in a foul mood. Blakey, of course, enjoyed teasing her… from about halfway across the galaxy. “Relax. This sort of thing is normal.”
“And you would know that how?” Weiss’s eyes scowled. “When was the last time you had to sleep on the couch.”
Blakey chuckled. “Oh, you’d be surprised. But unlike you, my tactical expertise ensure that I’m never there for more than half an hour or so.” She took a sip of her coffee. “It’ll be fine. If things are still frosty between you two tomorrow, let me know.”
“Frosty…” Weiss rolled her eyes. “I hope that wasn’t supposed to be a pun.”
“Blame my ancestors.”
razieltwelve 